Where have all the men gone? ‘Everything’s harder alone.’

As heard on liveline

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There’s a scene in Rob Reiner’s classic rom-com, When Harry Met Sally, where, having observed the near-breakdown of their still-dating friend, Harry, the newly-married Marie (Carrie Fisher) and Jess (Bruno Kirby) are lying in their marital bed. “Tell me I’ll never have to be out there again,” she says to him. To which he replies, “you will never have to be out there again.” The dating scene can be a scary and confusing space. Just ask Sarah. Sarah can tell you because she’s out there.

“The scene has almost exclusively gone online and my experience of that hasn’t been good.”

Sarah spoke to Philip Boucher Hayes (sitting in for Joe Duffy) on Wednesday’s Liveline about her experience of dating – or rather, not dating – since she and her husband separated in the early 2000s. Sarah says she’s looking for a genuine, long-lasting relationship, but a lot of men out there seem to be only after one thing. Quelle surprise!

“Sometimes I wonder who is online, can you take them as genuine?”

In order to check the bona fides of the responses she was getting online, Sarah organised a social occasion, for which she sold tickets. But not even half of the people who bought tickets showed up. They paid for the tickets, but they didn’t go to the show. It doesn’t make sense, does it? Sarah believes that there’s a lot of people online who don’t want to engage with people in real life.

“That was very much my experience that people were prepared to while away their time behind the computer screen and never actually meet somebody.”

Sarah socialises, she goes out, she has friends and family, she has a wide range of interests, but she can’t meet someone. And she’s been trying for 15 years. She’s wondering where all the men go, asking Philip if, at a certain age, men put their feet up with their pipes and slippers and call it a day. That can’t be the case, can it? But if it’s not, then where have all the men gone? Anybody?

Make your own mind up about it – hear more from Sarah and listen back to the rest of Liveline here.



© The Listener 2017

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