Discovering an affair ‘I became very suspicious of the way he was acting with his phone…’

As heard on The Ryan Tubridy Show

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“I am heartbroken,” began an email to The Ryan Tubridy Show from a woman who described finding out about her husband’s affair with a co-worker after 25 years of marriage.

“I became very suspicious of the way he was acting with his phone.  He wouldn’t leave it out of sight.  He was in the car making calls, he was texting a lot, deleting messages, smiling into his phone, that kind of thing.  I noticed banter and sometimes flirting between him and a married female work colleague over recent years and this particular female would be well-known for flirting with other male colleagues but I never thought that my husband would be the one to latch onto it.”

The listener describes how, last year, she found “shocking information on his phone” and confronted both of them about it, after which they said they would stop, however, she didn’t believe them.

“My gut feeling was telling me that this was not over and that they were continuing their relationship or affair by phone and in recent weeks one of their sexually explicit phone calls was overheard and I have proof of it.  What was said on it was shocking…  Again I confronted them and they were caught for a second time and now they both say that it is all over, but I don’t believe that.”

The listener was writing in for advice on phone surveillance technology that would allow her to track her husband’s phone usage, but listeners had other advice for her.

“In the kindest way possible, I would urge her to forget phone surveillance.  He has had an affair.  He has lied.  He has gone back a second time so get some help for yourself.”  Another said “It appears the trust is broken.  Tracking his calls, not a good idea… you need to talk to him, maybe seek professional advice.” 

Ryan also received an email from a listener who went through a similar situation who didn’t mince her words when it came to

“Tell that lady to leave now or ask her husband to leave if she possibly can, even if only for a short period.  The trust is broken and she will dement herself watching, listening, not sleeping, not living.  She will also find herself trying to find out what the other woman is up to and her life will revolve around this whole situation.  I waited 6 years…  I regretted not leaving sooner.”

This woman shared that she is 12 years separated, happier than ever and after finding support through counselling, enjoys a positive relationship with her ex-husband.

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© The Listener 2018

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